I want to be honest with you, but I’m afraid. I’m so thankful for you and everything you have blessed me with. I feel like I’ve been in such a good place lately, and I’ve felt your presence more in recent days than I have in awhile. I’m starting to find my head at a tilt, with my ear up to the sky listening for your voice. I’m looking for direction, for peace.
I don’t want you to mistake my troubled heart for being ungrateful because I know that there are others who need you more than me, but tonight my heart is aching. It’s aching for you to answer the prayer request I’ve been praying for the past 10 years. You know my heart better than anyone, yet I’m confused as to why you haven’t answered.
I’m aware of the many blessings that singleness brings, but I’m struggling. You see, most of my friends are married (as you know) and others are busy with their jobs, significant others, sports, etc. I’m finding myself spending more time alone than ever before, and I’m not liking it at all. In fact, it’s making me very sad, but I’m trying more than ever to keep my eyes on you during this time.
Don’t you know that I just turned 27 years old and that I’m going to have to be on my own? Alone. I’m not getting any younger, God. I know a lot of people say things about where I’m at in life, but this isn’t what I wanted for myself. My plan was to get married after college and move out on my own into a house, but that wasn’t your plan. Sometimes, I sit and ponder and question why you haven’t given me the desires of my heart. Why am I still waiting?
Now, more than ever I desire to not only be a husband but a Dad as well. I know it’s crazy God, because before I didn’t want children, but you blessed me with a great family and I just want that for myself.
I keep wondering if I did something wrong? Sometimes I feel like I’m being punished, but I know that isn’t the case. I’m doing my best to trust in you and where you are taking me. I hope you deliver me soon because time isn’t on my side. I know you are, God, but my clock is ticking.
God, again I’m sorry if I sound selfish but this is just how I feel. I hope you know that I want to stay in your will, but today is just one of those days where I’m not sure how much longer I can wait.
Please help me stay strong.