I’m not sure how many of you out there reading this love hearing the word “no” when you really really want something. Have you heard “no” so much that at some point you no longer understand why you can’t have it? Welcome to my life, and please enjoy your stay.
I’ve spent my whole life hearing the word “no.” So much that you would think that I would be used to hearing it, but I’m not. It still hurts just the same. How can you want something with all your heart, but constantly be faced with rejection time and time again.
I’m not sure the purpose of the dilemma I’m facing, but here I am.
Why must I wait God? What is the purpose behind it all? Those are my questions that I have yet to find the answers to. But what do you think I’m going to do? Wait, and wait some more.
I’m going to wait on the Lord like I have done for the past 26 years. Why? Because I know better. I know my way is only going to mess things up. I’ve only got one shot at this, so I can’t afford to mess it up. Not even once.
Sometimes I just get so frustrated waiting because there is nothing I can do. I’ve tried and tried (more than you know).
For some reason, God is not letting it work out for whatever reason, and even though it sounds like I’m not, I’m very thankful. I know that He can see what I don’t and that is the key. All I can see is where I’m at right now, where I’ve been, and where I want to go.
I have absolutely no idea where I’m going and when I’m going to get there. That part sucks.
Do you remember Sarah and Abraham? Sarah wanted to have a child so bad but was unable to conceive. Sarah tried to have a child her own way without God, but it did not end well.
At 100 and 90 years old, God blessed Sarah and Abraham to become parents to Isaac. Talk about waiting. I can’t imagine the pain and doubt that they both experienced during the time Sarah was barren. But on the other hand, I can.
I can imagine the hurt. I can imagine the doubt. I can imagine the anger. I can imagine there were many times they cried themselves to sleep asking God why? Why can everyone else become parents and we can’t? Are we not good enough? Is it ever going to happen? So many unanswered questions, but their story was evidence of God to those around them. There were people watching.
So many times I’ve wondered why? I’ve had all those same feelings that Sarah and Abraham had.
But I know there are people watching my life too. Some of them probably think I’m crazy. Some are waiting for me to fall. Some are waiting for me to give up on God and go my own way. I know they are there, and they are waiting too.
But there are a few that know I’ve got a bigger purpose. I’ve got a story to tell while I’m here. God knows that I will wait until He is ready to finally say “yes.” He knows.
He knows my heart and He knows what I can handle. But I want you to know this isn’t always easy for me. I don’t like to wait, especially this long. But I feel like I’m in good company.
The devil has tried to keep me quiet because of my book. “How can you write a blog about doubt and hurt after your book? What will people think?” He says.
But I want people to know it’s normal. We aren’t always going to be on the mountain and we aren’t always going to be in the valley. It’s okay. The season’s change, nothing is permanent.
So when the day comes and God finally says, “Yes Brian, it’s time.” I will shout it from the rooftops and let the whole world know. But until that day comes I will wait and wait. Sometimes on the mountain, and sometimes in the valley. But I will wait until He says it’s time.
After all, my story hasn’t stopped. It’s still being written.