I’m human. I’m not perfect.
I guess I’ve been scared to say this more than usual, but I’m worried. I’ve been worrying more than usual lately and I didn’t want to say it, partly because of my book. Just because that part of my life is over doesn’t mean that I’ll never worry again or wonder why. I’m human. I’m not perfect.
The worry is weighing heavy on my mind and on my heart. The weight is too much. I don’t want to worry and I want to let it go. I hate how it makes me feel. Something that I can’t see, won’t let me go.
The worry gives me no control and no hope. The worry makes me doubt and wonder why…
I wish I could go into detail with you on what it is, maybe at a later date I can share but not right now. I’m looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, a sign, to feel God’s presence, just something.
Something that I can’t see. Something that I don’t know. God, can you hear me? I know that you know my heart. I know that you can see what I can’t. I know that you are already there and that I’m here. I know.
But that doesn’t make things easier for me right now. I can’t see anything but where I am right now. I just can’t.
What can I do but wait? I will wait though because that’s all I can do. I will praise you even when it hurts, when I can’t see, when I can’t feel you, and when I’m blinded by my worry.
I want the world to see you in me. I want them to know. But God the pain of waiting sometimes is a lot. It’s like a rollercoaster. I want to know the date and time. I want to know that I’m going to be alright. I want to know God that it’s better than I could’ve planned. I want you to tell me. I want to hear from you.
I’ve been through enough to know that it will be okay and that today is just a rough day. That it’s just been a rough week. I know you’ll see me through, just like you always have. I know that you have a plan and that it’s going to be okay. It’s just rough right now but I can’t document the good without sharing the bad. Life is just hard sometimes and worry gets the best of me. It gets the best of all of us.
I know it’ll get better, but just not right now. I’ll take a deep breath and keep on walking because without you I know I wouldn’t be able to make it.
I am weak and you are strong.