Most people think it’s easy for believers to trust God’s plan, but that isn’t the case.
I’ve seen God and felt him move in my life and in my heart over the years, and you’d think that would be enough. The truth is, it should be enough, but I’m human and have my doubts just like everyone else. Would it be easier to trust God if we could see him? What if we could touch God or see him perform miracles, would that make it easier? I don’t think so.
Even Peter, who could see Jesus was still afraid, as he walked on the water and began to sink.
Matthew 14:28-30 (KJV)
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
I’m on the brink of my 26th birthday, and I’m still asking God, “Why?” Why can’t I have a set of directions, so I know which way to go and why. God doesn’t hand out directions or tell you why things happen the way they do, but he does give us all a measure of faith.
I want to ask God a million questions. Why did I have to go to college for 6 ½ years and rack up thousands of dollars in debt? Why did I have to be the oldest sibling? Why is everyone else falling in love and getting married, and I’m not? Why? What’s the purpose of all of this? Why must I sit and wait? What are you using me for? Why must my journey be different?
I doubt my journey, more than you might know. I sit and wonder what God has for me. Does he know that I’m getting older and that I’m running out of time? Doesn’t he know how fast time goes? Doesn’t he know that my body is showing signs of aging? I’m not going to be young forever.
I can’t begin to list all of the questions I ask God on a daily basis. I know it’s wrong to question him because I should have faith that everything will work out, but I don’t think it’s fair for you to think Christians never doubt. We are only human, I’m only human.
I should be content with where I’m at, but I’m not. I should trust that God has a plan for me, but sometimes I’m not so sure.
Sometimes I wish I could sit down and have chat with God or that he could just tell me when it’s going to happen or if it’s not going to happen, so I can move on. It doesn’t help that my grandparents constantly ask me if I’m dating anyone. I would love to tell them yes, but I can’t. I would love for my grandparents to be at my wedding, but I don’t know if they will be alive. Will they get to meet their great-grandchildren? Will they get to see what God has planned for me? I don’t know.
I don’t know the reasoning behind my journey, I just hope that my life will be a help to someone. I just want others to know that they are not alone in their times of doubt. It’s okay to be discouraged, but it’s not okay to stay there.
In due time God will bring me through, and he will bring you through too. Just be patient, o ye of little faith.
Matthew 8:26 (KJV)
26 And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.